Hamster Wheels, A New Direction, and Some Crazy Love

Here's the thing about blogging. I have an idea and am not in front of a computer, and then when I am in front of a computer, my mind seems blank (hence, no entry since September. There are a lot of things that have happened in my life since the last entry and I am very excited to share it with you, so here goes nothin'...

In September, there a mass lay off at work. I was fortunate enough to not lose my job, but work was SO different after it happened. Management seemed to continue making poor decisions and morale was unbelievably low. I had been thinking of getting a different job for a while, but kept on keepin' on instead. Most of my co-workers I had become good friends with were no longer there and it just wasn't a good situation. I made a list of pros and cons of quitting. When I was done, there were multiple things listed under pros (no more working late nights, become able to participate in a small group from church, put more energy into outreach, etc.) In the cons, there was only one con to quitting with no back up plan (no MONEY). I knew in my heart that I wasn't fulfilling God's calling on my life, but I felt stuck. Life was passing me by. I felt like a hamster on a wheel. I decided that fellowship with believers and following my dreams was what I needed instead of continuing this day to day routine. I quit and was able to join a small group which has been a huge blessing and from a series of conversations with my parents about next steps, developed a plan.

I stopped my current graduate program after the quarter was over because logistically, it was not what I needed to be doing. Instead, I am going back to Belmont to take some undergrad biology courses in hopes of beginning the masters of education program. I want to be a teacher in a Christian school. I want to be "in the trenches" with teens. I have started assistant coaching a girls basketball team for a local Christian school and that has been so much fun. That would be my change of direction...

In small group, we are reading a book by Francis Chan called "Crazy Love". It has been a very convicting read for me. I have been made painfully aware of two things lately- I am selfish and prideful. I hate these character traits and at the same time, I find them difficult to flee from. My life is not about me. It's about the One who created me. I want to live a life of purpose. I want to leave this world a little better than before I got here. I can't do that by serving myself. I want to pour into the lives of others in order that He may be glorified. There is SO much JOY that comes from giving of yourself out of the love of Christ. I see so many people around me who are feeling the same way and taking action. I am so excited about what God is doing in my friends and in His church! I have added links so you can read about what is going on in the lives of those around me. I hope you will be blessed by them. It is crazy that Christ loves me despite my many shortcomings. I want to have a genuine love for Christ that is evident in how I love His other children and in how I serve those who are unable to adequately provide for themselves. I invite you to come on this journey with me. No amount of money can match the pure joy that comes when we give ourselves away for Christ! I will leave you with a quote from Crazy Love that I really enjoyed:

"...that by surrendering yourself totally to God's purposes [His calling on your life], He will bring you the most pleasure [joy] in this life and the next."

Also, check out the song Power of Your Name by Lincoln Brewster

Grace Walks In...

Craig Phillips - When Grace Walks In

You're standing with your list of regrets that you can't get past yourself
You wish so bad that you could make the mark
But your dreams are stuck on a shelf
And all you want to do is turn back time
And redeem the days you lost
But shame keeps calling out your name
The chains refuse to fall

CHORUS:
But it's not over, it's not over
This is the moment that grace walks in
With arms wide open, arms wide open
To tell you this is not the end
When doubt is strong and your will is weak to even believe again
That's when grace, that's when grace walks in

You once believed that you could change the world
With a fire deep in your soul
Your faith was strong and the call was clear
You were sure you could make a new road
Like so many, the flame grew dark
And your confidence hit the wall
There always seems to be a lot of big questions
But the answers seem so small

CHORUS

Just in the nick of time
Right there to save our lives
Grace is greater
Grace is greater




Above, you will see the lyrics of a song that I really enjoy. I think the lyrics are very powerful and are pretty relevant in the journey I have been on these past few years...

When I applied for college, I had NO clue what I was in for. I really wanted to do youth ministry with the long-term vision of running a camp. However, I also wanted to make money and was pretty sure I wouldn't if I went after that degree. Biology and A & P were my favorite subjects in high school and the world of medicine fascinated me. Naturally, I decided to pursue a degree in nursing. I had no clue it was a separate program and that there was a licensing exam after I graduated. A lot of people said they couldn't see me being a nurse and at times, I think that early on, some of my professors weren't sure I'd make it through the program. It was then that I knew I had to do it and be successful...to prove to others and to myself that I was capable. I ended up making it into the nursing honor society and graduated cum laude. I even passed the NCLEX on the first try. Nursing school taught me a lot about myself and about life. It was a good experience and I got to cross paths with a lot of really incredible people, some of whom will be long-time friends.

Though I was (I've been told) a good nurse, I did not enjoy it. My heart was with young people. I wanted to work with youth, but now I was too prideful to change careers. I was embarrassed and afraid of that I would lose friends. I finally came to the realization that those who cared about me would support me following my dreams and those who didn't, well, they can think what they want. Though there were hard times, I am so very thankful for the experience I had as a bedside nurse. I was able to experience raw humanity. To be there for people during some of the most vulnerable times in there life and to walk through that with them. It certainly taught me a lot and I met a lot of amazing people along the way who are still great friends.

That brings me to more recently. I have been working in a health coaching company while I begin my Masters of Youth Ministry Leadership. I am finally taking the first step of faith and following what I feel is my calling in life. Young people have such a negative stereotype associated with them. In turn, they struggle with who they are and what their value is. I wish people focused more on how much young people have to offer and to contribute to society if only they were given a fair chance and some sound guidance. I want to walk with young people on their journey and be someone who has made mistakes, learned from mistakes, and been healed by God's amazing grace. I want this imperfect person that I am to do my best to help young people know the love of Christ. I was blessed to have people walk alongside me during those difficult years and I want to be able to give back.

I have learned so much this quarter about ministry, missions, the life of the poor, and the shortcomings of those who have power in society. Stay tuned for more and please, pray for the youth in your community. You never know how many amazing things God can do through them.

Another Chapter in the Story of Life

Photo courtesy of Collin Geldmeier

I have written before about how I came up with the title of this blog and how every one of our individual stories plays a special role in God's story. I would like to share a little of my story with you. The reason I am choosing to share now is because I am getting baptized next month and am very excited about it. I have been wanting to do this for a long time, but for a variety of reasons, it hasn't happened yet. The reason I am so excited is because I feel like especially the last few years, I have not been a good representation of a person in a relationship with Christ and I am ready for that to change. I want people to see and hear Jesus in my actions and my words. I am looking forward to the extra accountability that comes with being baptized and making that public declaration of my faith. I want it to mark a turning point in my life and a step further in spiritual maturity and my own walk with Jesus. That being said, let me tell ya a short story...

Having grown up in a Christian home, I told myself and others that I was a Christian pretty much my whole life. I could memorize verses like a champ and flip to them in the Bible at lightning speed. I could tell you books of the Bible in order and summarize all the different stories in the Bible. However, all that aside, I didn't really get it. I thought I did, but I didn't. I had heard stories about what happens to people who aren't "saved" and I didn't want that to be me, so I prayed "the" prayer just about every chance I had. As the years went on, I had many doubts about my faith and about how genuine it was. Something still just felt like it was missing, but I would try to convince myself otherwise...

Over the years, life happened, and like many sophomores in high school, I felt lost and completely spent (emotionally, spiritually). February of my sophomore year, a speaker came to speak for our spiritual emphasis week. I had listened to him in chapel, and one day, I was listening to him speak about the RELATIONSHIP aspect of Christ and about how much love God has for us and how much He cares for us as individuals....my life, your life....the more the speaker talked, the faster my heart raced. It finally made sense. I finally understood what I had been missing. It was that day that I wholeheartedly accepted the gift of salvation, and I have not doubted my faith ever since...

About a month later, I went on a choir trip to Barbados. Throughout the week, we did our own daily quiet times, then met with small groups, and met with large group at night. Through a series of different things that happened that week, God really broke me. I never have been one to cry easily, and I had a total melt down. I felt like God really used that time to change me for the better, and to mold me into more of His likeness. It was a major turning point in my new walk with Christ and was probably one of the most difficult, yet most rewarding moments I've had. God has blessed me abundantly, and His grace is SO amazing that it's hard to describe, and I want to live my life in a way that glorifies Him and who He is in my life. Thanks for listening, and may you find joy in your own journey!

A Challenge

Today in church, we sang a song called "Center". I have heard the song before, but hadn't paid much attention to the lyrics. The lyrics to this song are pretty simple, but the message they convey is such an incredible challenge. If everyone made this their prayer and truly tried to live it out, I think this world would be such a different place. It is easy to claim that Christ is at the center of our lives, but if people were to ask our families, friends, and co-workers, would they testify to that based on our actions? I know many days my words and actions don't support that claim, unfortunately. It was a challenge to me today to really make a conscious effort to live life with Christ at the center, and I welcome anyone to take on this challenge with me. I've included a link to a video of the song for those who want to hear it. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuX4bSHfDvs

The 5 Year Plan...or lack thereof

Happy 2009, everybody!! I know it's about a month late, but better than never, right? I have been meaning to update this for a few weeks now, but I didn't know how to piece it all together...I did in fact get accepted into the online Masters program for youth ministry through Huntington University. I was scheduled to start in December, but I started to have doubts about whether or not this was the right time in my life for taking on this new challenge. I was right. I called and cancelled enrollment, and they were very accomadating and said maybe I could start up some semester later on...and I think that at some point, that really is something I would like to consider.



I had just reached a point where I felt like everything was coming off the tracks. I was unhappy with my job, stressed out, etc. etc. I knew I had to do something different or else I would just continue to be a thoroughly unpleasant person to be around :) So I quit my job with the support of my parents and no back up plan other than keep working 2 nights a month. I searched tirelessly for jobs, but I really wanted out of the hospital setting, so that quickly narrowed my options. I had a couple interviews here and there, but none were really jobs I was interested in. My personal favorite part of an interview (for a job i knew when i got there i didn't want), was when the person asked me where I saw myself in five years. I sat there for a second, looked at her and told her the truth....I don't really know. I don't really make plans like that because five years ago, I would never have thought I'd be where I am now. I'm pretty sure that caught her off guard. :)



This is the really fun part...I did finally get a job AND I think I'm going to really like it!!! It's for a health coaching company out of Franklin. I didn't think so when I started, but after two weeks of training, I think this is going to be a sort of foundation for change. I felt like I had hit a brick wall, but now I'm excited about the possibilities that lie ahead. I want to eat better, I want to exercise...not because I have to or feel forced to, but because the environment I'm working in puts that desire in me. They encourage wellness in every aspect of your life and I love that. It's different walking into work and people are smiling, they don't look like they want to jump off a cliff...it's so different and so nice. I could elaborate on all these points, but I will stop for now, because I'm going to need some material for later entries.



Everybody needs a general life plan of some sort, but I wouldn't be too detailed with it. God's got a sense of humor, and that means a lot of our plans change. So if you don't know where you'll be in five years or what you'll be doing, that's OK, just let go, have some faith, and see where God has you land...you may just like it! Happy travels!

Home Is Where The Heart Is

So in case you haven't caught on, I usually don't update until I have something to write about, and sometimes that takes a while. Well, a lot has happened since I last wrote, and one of the major things is that I bought my first house! A real house, and it's mine. I LOVE IT!! This is a picture of the fireplace. This has become my place to come home and just rest. It's like my own private retreat. :) Now onto some other recent developments...

My heart has been so restless lately. It's hard to explain. I have pretty much decided to take the first step in pursuing my life's dream, and apply for graduate school for a masters in youth ministry. As a result, I have found myself facing so many doubts...what if this is what I want to do, not what God wants me to do, what if I am suppose to do something else, what if I'm no good, what if, what if, what if? On a positive note (kind of), I have found myself so convicted of my own sin. It is disgusting how immune I had become to it and how it seems all of a sudden I am so aware of it, and so put off by it. I know that if I'm to serve as an example to young people, there are things that need to change so that His light may shine brighter through me. I seem to have started out on a new leg of my journey, and I think I like what it may bring. Stay tuned for more on this topic, as I continue to learn more myself. Now it may seem like aimless rambling, but I know it will eventually all come together.

I got to go to Tampa this past weekend. I got to see so many old friends. It was such an awesome reminder of how incredibly blessed I am. I got to see and catch up with people I hadn't seen in two years, and some even longer, but we were able to pick up right where we left off. I got to catch up with my old coach, saw my old english teacher, stayed at a great friends' house, spent time just hanging out and laughing with old friends, went to a wedding. It was all great. I was so overwhelmed at church on Sunday- standing and worshipping with people who were instrumental in my high school experience, in a church that served as a foundation for those awkward teenage years. What made it even better was knowing that on the other side of my plane ride, I would be home with the people and the church that are so important to me now. God's grace is more than enough, and I am richly blessed. Home truly is where the heart is!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y01rx_XzQ34

Footprints In The Snow

Footprints in the snow? I don't get it...let me explain. If you've ever seen a ski mountain after a fresh snow fall and before the runs open, it is brilliantly white...an uncharted territory if you will, and each person who gets on that mountain will leave their own personal tracks in the snow. Some will fall, leaving prints hiking up the snow to get all their gear together before they continue on their adventure, and others will leave a continuous line leading down the mountain. Fresh snow is the best to ski on! I have been given fresh snow! Today, I got a job at a hospital close to my apartment! This has been a long time coming, and there will be times when the ride will be smooth, and other times when it will be an uphill battle for me to get it all together and continue on. I know the trail won't always be easy, but it's fresh, and I have been given an opportunity to leave my mark...GOD IS SOO GOOD!!!

So here is the background to my excitement that can't truly be expressed right now...
In May, I graduated nursing school and took a job I didn't really want, but was thankful to have. I took it after a few rejections from potential employers that left my self-esteem shattered. Needless to say, I've felt like the past 8 or 9 months have been an uphill battle trying to prove myself worthy, and also swallowing my pride numerous times when answering questions like "why in the world do you want to work here?" (it's a 46 mile commute) I did not choose this job, it was the only option at the time (I will always be thankful for the paycheck it supplied). After battling the new nurse nerves on top of some pretty awkward and frustrating staff dynamics, plus spending half my income filling up my car and trying not to fall asleep at the wheel, my heart has felt heavy.

Now, after months of applications, interviews, set backs, and hope, I have arrived...a much happier me...relieved, and lighter with so much weight off my shoulders. I will be able to have a life...here...in my town, with my friends. I am ecstatic and incredibly grateful. In looking back, I can honestly say that I'm going to miss my co-workers on night shift because they have all been a huge support while going thorugh this, and I know that I was meant to be where I was for the time I was there, because I am confident it was God's answers to my prayers at that point (though it wasn't what I was hoping for) Please stay tuned for more updates. Ski this mountain with me, and please...enjoy the fresh powder along the way!!!

A New Year, A New Year

So it's January 20th, and some of those resolutions have already come and gone. Fresh starts are a funny thing. They are so freeing and so exciting, yet there is such familiarity and comfort in the current ways of life. This could be elaborated on, but I will choose to move on for now. There seem to be so many things I want to do/see/accomplish in this life. For instance, there is a part of me that wants to pursue emergency nursing, perhaps going to EMT school, and on to being a flight nurse. There's another part of me that wants nothing more than to form relationships with today' youth through youth ministry, with the ultimate dream of owning and running my own camp, or pursuing overseas work with youth. I also am interested in Big Sisters. Another part of me wants to take time and just travel the world and experience all it has to offer. There is still another side of me that wants to attempt writing a book, perhaps. I would also like to learn to play guitar and piano. Add on to that, learning Spanish and Sign Language. Did I mention I would also like to be in a television series? Oh, and I also want to own a home, get married and have a family. I would also like to..........well, you get the point. Some go hand in hand and some don't go together at all. For this reason, it will be interesting. It will be interesting to see what happens in the future. The future is an unfamiliar, yet fantastically exciting thing, but for now, I will discover my future one day at a time, through the present, the here and now. For now, my future involves cleaning my apartment. Any volunteers?

So...It's ben a while...

I realize that I haven't updated in quite some time (if anyone reads this anyway). Let's see...I graduated in May, 2007. I then took and passed the NCLEX in June and became an official Registered Nurse (RN). It is crazy how quickly time passes! I am currently working the night shift on a cardiac step-down unit in a small county hospital. I don't particularly enjoy it, but it has been a decent starting point. I've had lots of experiences. I've lived and learned. I am ready to do something else, somewhere else. I had an interview this past Wednesday, but I'm not really sure how it went. I haven't heard anything back yet. However, even if I don't get the position, it is a step in the right direction. I feel like this year is going to bring about a lot of changes...and I think they will be good changes...I HOPE they will be good changes. I am going to make a committment to update this regularly, so if you are reading, please check back soon. Happy Trails,
Sarah

Time Is A Crazy Thing

So it's August now. How did that happen? So much has happened over the past two months. I survived my time in the ER. That was a huge accomplishment for me. I saw and did things that I wasn't sure I'd be comfortable doing or seeing. Granted, it took me a long time to really get the feel of it, I did and I really enjoyed it. That's over now and I look forward to clinicals this upcoming semester with hopes that this summer's experience will pay off. All that being said, I can't believe that I am so close to being done with school. I don't feel like I'm old enough to be out in the world with a real job and real responsibilites outside of things related to school. It's a scary yet exciting time and I'm looking forward to how this next year unfolds. For now, I am going to take advantage of the two weeks I have left of summer. Just a quick update.

What's In A Name?

"A Story To Be Told"- I love how everyone's life is a story and everyone is just a small part of God's story. We all have so much we can learn from each other if only we were to spend less time talking and more time listening. This is why I chose this name for my blog.

I find myself at a strange point in life where the things that are unknown outnumber those that are known. Though it is a strange time, it is an exciting time. Camp Timberline has such a big spot in my heart, and now, for the first time in 10 summers, I will not be returning. Instead, I will be working an ER, hoping to gain experience which will be beneficial to my future from a career standpoint. In one year (if all goes well), I will be out of school and hoping to follow God's call on my life. What that is at this point, I am not sure, but I do have some thoughts in the back of my mind.

Two things which I've been thinking about lately:
1. I am a person who struggles with pride, and recently, God has shown me that humility has rewards of it's own. Ultimately, He must become GREATER and I must become LESS. That's awesome!
2. I have come to the realization that I spend far too much time living for the future (counting down the days until something happens that I'm looking forward to). In doing so, I forget the beauty and blessing of every day in between. Each day is a gift and I should live life in anticipation and gratitude for each new day.

I realize that the things I've mentioned in this post are random, but they are things on my mind right now and therefore, I wanted to share them with you.
God Bless!

First Post

This is my first post. If I ever feel like I have something worth sharing, I'll update. Have a good one.