What A Difference 10 Years Makes!

I wrote this in my Bible right after I walked into my science class after chapel at school. It was spiritual emphasis week during my sophomore year of high school. I was 16. The speaker's name was Jeremy Kingsley. I just googled him and found his website. www.jeremykingsley.com. God used this guy to get to me. I was at a point where I felt all alone. I knew about God but had run from Him. I was trying to do life on my own and was just looking to make it through. I was definitely in a desert. As Jeremy talked, I remember how he made Jesus seem so personal. He said that Jesus cared so much about me and loved me so much, that when I sinned, it genuinely hurt and saddened Him. The more Jeremy talked, the faster my heart raced, and the stone wall around it began to break. I did not SEEK God, God was SEEKING me and He met me right where I was. He had given me a gift in the death and resurrection of His son because He cared about me and He loved me. Christ extended His hand to me and I reached back and embraced Him. I had never known real peace until that day.I knew I couldn't do life on my own anymore and I knew I had just taken the first step on my walk with Christ. It is hard to believe it has been 10 years now! It has been one crazy journey, but one I would not trade for anything. I still feel like a new believer with so much to learn. If you are going through a desert, my prayer for you is that you find peace in Christ, knowing He will meet you exactly where you are and you will never have to go through life along again! How cool and amazing is that?! Where were you 10 years ago? Where will you be 10 years from now?

Hamster Wheels, A New Direction, and Some Crazy Love

Here's the thing about blogging. I have an idea and am not in front of a computer, and then when I am in front of a computer, my mind seems blank (hence, no entry since September. There are a lot of things that have happened in my life since the last entry and I am very excited to share it with you, so here goes nothin'...

In September, there a mass lay off at work. I was fortunate enough to not lose my job, but work was SO different after it happened. Management seemed to continue making poor decisions and morale was unbelievably low. I had been thinking of getting a different job for a while, but kept on keepin' on instead. Most of my co-workers I had become good friends with were no longer there and it just wasn't a good situation. I made a list of pros and cons of quitting. When I was done, there were multiple things listed under pros (no more working late nights, become able to participate in a small group from church, put more energy into outreach, etc.) In the cons, there was only one con to quitting with no back up plan (no MONEY). I knew in my heart that I wasn't fulfilling God's calling on my life, but I felt stuck. Life was passing me by. I felt like a hamster on a wheel. I decided that fellowship with believers and following my dreams was what I needed instead of continuing this day to day routine. I quit and was able to join a small group which has been a huge blessing and from a series of conversations with my parents about next steps, developed a plan.

I stopped my current graduate program after the quarter was over because logistically, it was not what I needed to be doing. Instead, I am going back to Belmont to take some undergrad biology courses in hopes of beginning the masters of education program. I want to be a teacher in a Christian school. I want to be "in the trenches" with teens. I have started assistant coaching a girls basketball team for a local Christian school and that has been so much fun. That would be my change of direction...

In small group, we are reading a book by Francis Chan called "Crazy Love". It has been a very convicting read for me. I have been made painfully aware of two things lately- I am selfish and prideful. I hate these character traits and at the same time, I find them difficult to flee from. My life is not about me. It's about the One who created me. I want to live a life of purpose. I want to leave this world a little better than before I got here. I can't do that by serving myself. I want to pour into the lives of others in order that He may be glorified. There is SO much JOY that comes from giving of yourself out of the love of Christ. I see so many people around me who are feeling the same way and taking action. I am so excited about what God is doing in my friends and in His church! I have added links so you can read about what is going on in the lives of those around me. I hope you will be blessed by them. It is crazy that Christ loves me despite my many shortcomings. I want to have a genuine love for Christ that is evident in how I love His other children and in how I serve those who are unable to adequately provide for themselves. I invite you to come on this journey with me. No amount of money can match the pure joy that comes when we give ourselves away for Christ! I will leave you with a quote from Crazy Love that I really enjoyed:

"...that by surrendering yourself totally to God's purposes [His calling on your life], He will bring you the most pleasure [joy] in this life and the next."

Also, check out the song Power of Your Name by Lincoln Brewster

Grace Walks In...

Craig Phillips - When Grace Walks In

You're standing with your list of regrets that you can't get past yourself
You wish so bad that you could make the mark
But your dreams are stuck on a shelf
And all you want to do is turn back time
And redeem the days you lost
But shame keeps calling out your name
The chains refuse to fall

CHORUS:
But it's not over, it's not over
This is the moment that grace walks in
With arms wide open, arms wide open
To tell you this is not the end
When doubt is strong and your will is weak to even believe again
That's when grace, that's when grace walks in

You once believed that you could change the world
With a fire deep in your soul
Your faith was strong and the call was clear
You were sure you could make a new road
Like so many, the flame grew dark
And your confidence hit the wall
There always seems to be a lot of big questions
But the answers seem so small

CHORUS

Just in the nick of time
Right there to save our lives
Grace is greater
Grace is greater




Above, you will see the lyrics of a song that I really enjoy. I think the lyrics are very powerful and are pretty relevant in the journey I have been on these past few years...

When I applied for college, I had NO clue what I was in for. I really wanted to do youth ministry with the long-term vision of running a camp. However, I also wanted to make money and was pretty sure I wouldn't if I went after that degree. Biology and A & P were my favorite subjects in high school and the world of medicine fascinated me. Naturally, I decided to pursue a degree in nursing. I had no clue it was a separate program and that there was a licensing exam after I graduated. A lot of people said they couldn't see me being a nurse and at times, I think that early on, some of my professors weren't sure I'd make it through the program. It was then that I knew I had to do it and be successful...to prove to others and to myself that I was capable. I ended up making it into the nursing honor society and graduated cum laude. I even passed the NCLEX on the first try. Nursing school taught me a lot about myself and about life. It was a good experience and I got to cross paths with a lot of really incredible people, some of whom will be long-time friends.

Though I was (I've been told) a good nurse, I did not enjoy it. My heart was with young people. I wanted to work with youth, but now I was too prideful to change careers. I was embarrassed and afraid of that I would lose friends. I finally came to the realization that those who cared about me would support me following my dreams and those who didn't, well, they can think what they want. Though there were hard times, I am so very thankful for the experience I had as a bedside nurse. I was able to experience raw humanity. To be there for people during some of the most vulnerable times in there life and to walk through that with them. It certainly taught me a lot and I met a lot of amazing people along the way who are still great friends.

That brings me to more recently. I have been working in a health coaching company while I begin my Masters of Youth Ministry Leadership. I am finally taking the first step of faith and following what I feel is my calling in life. Young people have such a negative stereotype associated with them. In turn, they struggle with who they are and what their value is. I wish people focused more on how much young people have to offer and to contribute to society if only they were given a fair chance and some sound guidance. I want to walk with young people on their journey and be someone who has made mistakes, learned from mistakes, and been healed by God's amazing grace. I want this imperfect person that I am to do my best to help young people know the love of Christ. I was blessed to have people walk alongside me during those difficult years and I want to be able to give back.

I have learned so much this quarter about ministry, missions, the life of the poor, and the shortcomings of those who have power in society. Stay tuned for more and please, pray for the youth in your community. You never know how many amazing things God can do through them.

Another Chapter in the Story of Life

Photo courtesy of Collin Geldmeier

I have written before about how I came up with the title of this blog and how every one of our individual stories plays a special role in God's story. I would like to share a little of my story with you. The reason I am choosing to share now is because I am getting baptized next month and am very excited about it. I have been wanting to do this for a long time, but for a variety of reasons, it hasn't happened yet. The reason I am so excited is because I feel like especially the last few years, I have not been a good representation of a person in a relationship with Christ and I am ready for that to change. I want people to see and hear Jesus in my actions and my words. I am looking forward to the extra accountability that comes with being baptized and making that public declaration of my faith. I want it to mark a turning point in my life and a step further in spiritual maturity and my own walk with Jesus. That being said, let me tell ya a short story...

Having grown up in a Christian home, I told myself and others that I was a Christian pretty much my whole life. I could memorize verses like a champ and flip to them in the Bible at lightning speed. I could tell you books of the Bible in order and summarize all the different stories in the Bible. However, all that aside, I didn't really get it. I thought I did, but I didn't. I had heard stories about what happens to people who aren't "saved" and I didn't want that to be me, so I prayed "the" prayer just about every chance I had. As the years went on, I had many doubts about my faith and about how genuine it was. Something still just felt like it was missing, but I would try to convince myself otherwise...

Over the years, life happened, and like many sophomores in high school, I felt lost and completely spent (emotionally, spiritually). February of my sophomore year, a speaker came to speak for our spiritual emphasis week. I had listened to him in chapel, and one day, I was listening to him speak about the RELATIONSHIP aspect of Christ and about how much love God has for us and how much He cares for us as individuals....my life, your life....the more the speaker talked, the faster my heart raced. It finally made sense. I finally understood what I had been missing. It was that day that I wholeheartedly accepted the gift of salvation, and I have not doubted my faith ever since...

About a month later, I went on a choir trip to Barbados. Throughout the week, we did our own daily quiet times, then met with small groups, and met with large group at night. Through a series of different things that happened that week, God really broke me. I never have been one to cry easily, and I had a total melt down. I felt like God really used that time to change me for the better, and to mold me into more of His likeness. It was a major turning point in my new walk with Christ and was probably one of the most difficult, yet most rewarding moments I've had. God has blessed me abundantly, and His grace is SO amazing that it's hard to describe, and I want to live my life in a way that glorifies Him and who He is in my life. Thanks for listening, and may you find joy in your own journey!

A Challenge

Today in church, we sang a song called "Center". I have heard the song before, but hadn't paid much attention to the lyrics. The lyrics to this song are pretty simple, but the message they convey is such an incredible challenge. If everyone made this their prayer and truly tried to live it out, I think this world would be such a different place. It is easy to claim that Christ is at the center of our lives, but if people were to ask our families, friends, and co-workers, would they testify to that based on our actions? I know many days my words and actions don't support that claim, unfortunately. It was a challenge to me today to really make a conscious effort to live life with Christ at the center, and I welcome anyone to take on this challenge with me. I've included a link to a video of the song for those who want to hear it. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuX4bSHfDvs

The 5 Year Plan...or lack thereof

Happy 2009, everybody!! I know it's about a month late, but better than never, right? I have been meaning to update this for a few weeks now, but I didn't know how to piece it all together...I did in fact get accepted into the online Masters program for youth ministry through Huntington University. I was scheduled to start in December, but I started to have doubts about whether or not this was the right time in my life for taking on this new challenge. I was right. I called and cancelled enrollment, and they were very accomadating and said maybe I could start up some semester later on...and I think that at some point, that really is something I would like to consider.



I had just reached a point where I felt like everything was coming off the tracks. I was unhappy with my job, stressed out, etc. etc. I knew I had to do something different or else I would just continue to be a thoroughly unpleasant person to be around :) So I quit my job with the support of my parents and no back up plan other than keep working 2 nights a month. I searched tirelessly for jobs, but I really wanted out of the hospital setting, so that quickly narrowed my options. I had a couple interviews here and there, but none were really jobs I was interested in. My personal favorite part of an interview (for a job i knew when i got there i didn't want), was when the person asked me where I saw myself in five years. I sat there for a second, looked at her and told her the truth....I don't really know. I don't really make plans like that because five years ago, I would never have thought I'd be where I am now. I'm pretty sure that caught her off guard. :)



This is the really fun part...I did finally get a job AND I think I'm going to really like it!!! It's for a health coaching company out of Franklin. I didn't think so when I started, but after two weeks of training, I think this is going to be a sort of foundation for change. I felt like I had hit a brick wall, but now I'm excited about the possibilities that lie ahead. I want to eat better, I want to exercise...not because I have to or feel forced to, but because the environment I'm working in puts that desire in me. They encourage wellness in every aspect of your life and I love that. It's different walking into work and people are smiling, they don't look like they want to jump off a cliff...it's so different and so nice. I could elaborate on all these points, but I will stop for now, because I'm going to need some material for later entries.



Everybody needs a general life plan of some sort, but I wouldn't be too detailed with it. God's got a sense of humor, and that means a lot of our plans change. So if you don't know where you'll be in five years or what you'll be doing, that's OK, just let go, have some faith, and see where God has you land...you may just like it! Happy travels!

Home Is Where The Heart Is

So in case you haven't caught on, I usually don't update until I have something to write about, and sometimes that takes a while. Well, a lot has happened since I last wrote, and one of the major things is that I bought my first house! A real house, and it's mine. I LOVE IT!! This is a picture of the fireplace. This has become my place to come home and just rest. It's like my own private retreat. :) Now onto some other recent developments...

My heart has been so restless lately. It's hard to explain. I have pretty much decided to take the first step in pursuing my life's dream, and apply for graduate school for a masters in youth ministry. As a result, I have found myself facing so many doubts...what if this is what I want to do, not what God wants me to do, what if I am suppose to do something else, what if I'm no good, what if, what if, what if? On a positive note (kind of), I have found myself so convicted of my own sin. It is disgusting how immune I had become to it and how it seems all of a sudden I am so aware of it, and so put off by it. I know that if I'm to serve as an example to young people, there are things that need to change so that His light may shine brighter through me. I seem to have started out on a new leg of my journey, and I think I like what it may bring. Stay tuned for more on this topic, as I continue to learn more myself. Now it may seem like aimless rambling, but I know it will eventually all come together.

I got to go to Tampa this past weekend. I got to see so many old friends. It was such an awesome reminder of how incredibly blessed I am. I got to see and catch up with people I hadn't seen in two years, and some even longer, but we were able to pick up right where we left off. I got to catch up with my old coach, saw my old english teacher, stayed at a great friends' house, spent time just hanging out and laughing with old friends, went to a wedding. It was all great. I was so overwhelmed at church on Sunday- standing and worshipping with people who were instrumental in my high school experience, in a church that served as a foundation for those awkward teenage years. What made it even better was knowing that on the other side of my plane ride, I would be home with the people and the church that are so important to me now. God's grace is more than enough, and I am richly blessed. Home truly is where the heart is!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y01rx_XzQ34